Things are getting weird with Iowa right now. A guy named Booger is making generalizations on ESPN about the football teams Strength and Conditioning Coach and the money he 100% deserves (@ me, please, I dare you). David Pollack defended us (he was in the Top-5 of the fan community’s most hated pundits). Kirk Ferentz decided to speak about the NCAA’s decision on Drew Ott... finally.
And then there was an email from Resmiye Oral, a pediatrics professor who thinks that Herky is the complete embodiment of anger.
“I believe incoming students should be met with welcoming, nurturing, calm, accepting and happy messages,” Resmiye Oral, a clinical professor of pediatrics at UI, wrote recently in an email to UI athletic department officials. “And our campus community is doing a great job in that regard when it comes to words. However, Herky’s angry, to say the least, faces conveying an invitation to aggressivity and even violence are not compatible with the verbal messages that we try to convey to and instill in our students and campus community.”
Welcome to the University of Iowa, home of the angriest mascot in all of the land!
“I would like to bring to the Faculty Senate’s attention that the attached Herky images are totally against the nonviolent, all accepting, nondiscriminatory messages we are trying to convey through campus. As we strive to tackle depression, suicide, violence, and behavioral challenges and help our students succeed, I plead with you to allow Herky to be like one of us, sometimes sad, sometimes happy, sometimes angry, sometimes concentrated.”
I’ve thought a lot about this and you know what? I don’t think Oral wen’t far enough!
Why not have an Adderall enduced Herky during finals week, like, say the Clemson Tiger:
Or, what if we let whatever student that is portraying Herky that day point to a doctor’s Feelings Chart and have him put on the matching head? We could have Hungover Herky, who went a little to hard at FAC the night before. We could have Cold Herky when he has to do a Field Hockey game in the snow. What about a Jealous Herky after the student that played Hungover Herky stole the girl he was interested in? What if Horrified Herky came out of the tunnel after Jim Harbaugh threatened his life on his way to the Pink Locker Room at halftime?
I think Oral is really on to something here, guys.
I have feels, why shouldn’t Herk? I mean he’s seen some terrible games. He’s been to some boring lunch ins. He’s attended some down right, rock bottom events. It’s totally unfair to Herky that he can’t express anything besides pure, indescribable rage and anger.
To take that one step further, we need to remember, after all, that Herky is a bird. Birds get to fly. And flying is fun. There’s a reason Peter Pan (the Robin Williams version) could only remember how to fly after thinking about his “Happy Place”.
Nobody is angry when they get to fly on their own. NOBODY.
I think we can all agree that at the end of the day we’re talking about a furry costume made of the cheapest possible materials and multiple variations of the same cartoon...
...Furry costumes and cartoons that are supposed to represent sentient beings. And sentient beings have feels. Happy feels. Sad feels. Angry feels and bored feels.
I support Professor Oral. I support change.