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Offseason Thoughts: Afro's, Jimmy Butler's Fade, Cornrows and Dom Uhl

Diving into the most burning, stinking conference basketball questions this side of Big Ten and Beyond.

By Jerry Scherwin
Jeffrey Becker-USA TODAY Sports

Dom Uhl is an... interesting basketball player. And by "interesting basketball player" I mean that he plays basketball in and interesting way. For those that have ever spent a long time watching Uhl, you've surely noticed this. Hell, you've probably said it to yourself. Perhaps something along the lines of, "Hmmm, that's an interesting way to shoot a basketball".

Or, "Hmmm, that's an interesting way to dribble".

Maybe even something more broad, like say, "Hmmm, that's an interesting way to play offense".

In one instance, Uhl could be making you scratch your head because you're not quite sure how he's making jump shots from his hip -- as if he's some sort of John Wayne enthusiast -- and the next he leaves you wondering if he's trying to put up the biggest Club Trillion box score of all time.

It's honestly been one or the other and it seems to change with the day... or based on the weather... or whether or not they served Hawaiian Pizza at his on campus mess hall of choice.

But this is Offseason Thoughts so I won't bore you with video breakdown's about whether or not I think Uhl can be a difference maker for Iowa next season. I'll save that for our eventual previews this fall.

Instead, I want to dive into something much more important. Something I'm hoping the 6'9" wing from Frankfurt, Germany will take to heart.

What hairstyle is the best Dom Uhl hairstyle and do any of them provide Iowa and Fran McCaffery a better Dom Uhl?

The Afro

This, by all intensive purposes is the standard Dom Uhl hairstyle. He's had his hair in the form of an afro somewhere between 80 to 85 percent of the time during his two years on campus.

I guess it's cool watching it move like seaweed as he does basketball related things on the court. And every now and then he throws an accessory in there, like a thick, white, Nike head band or even one of those thin Sasha Vujacic girl-head band things.

But it definitely doesn't ADD to his overall game. If anything, it looks like it's some sort of sweaty mop... almost like a greasy Jheri Curl:

Conclusion: This is not the best Dom Uhl hairstyle. In fact, it's probably the worst.

The Jimmy Butler Fade

Nobody. Nobody can rock the Jimmy Butler Fade besides Jimmy Butler.

Just ask Derrick Rose.

Actually don't, I really need those two to figure out how to love each other and I'm sure Chicago HairGate is still some sort of a negative trigger in Butler -- and of course, Mark Wahlburg's -- heart of hearts.

Conclusion: This is not the best Dom Uhl hairstyle but it's definitely better than the half Jheri Curl, half Afro.

Cornrows

I'm a child of the 90's, so I am a lover of three integral things: Throwback Jersey's (I see you Fabolous), Kenan and Kel (the legit only reason I will still drink Orange Soda) and tricked out cornrows.

When I was a young buck, running around the very rural suburbs outside of Chicago, I tried growing out my very thick, blonde hair in hopes of one day having my friend Christina hook me up with a tight set of rows.

I loved that hairstyle so much that I even applauded Justin Timberlake and his boy band/Sean Paul do... and nobody did that:

It didn't stop there.

Allen Iverson was one of my all-time favorite basketball players (and still is). My favorite movie in both middle and high school was Drumline simply because of the "confrontation" scene where Nick Cannon's character, Devon Miles, swag stares into Sean Taylor's eyes with some tight, early millennial braids.

I even listen to Riff Raff songs at the gym and it's 100% because of his pink braids (and probably because he once rapped that he was eating fried okra, with Oprah, but I digress).

And you know what? There aren't enough players in basketball these days that rock this beautiful and artistic hairstyle. Especially so in the Big Ten.

Who was the last great conference player that rocked cornrows the majority of the time? Dee Brown?

That was ten years ago now. TEN YEARS! That is far too long friends. And it's been far too long since Iowa has had a player that rocked them proudly too. Kurt Looby is the last one that comes to mind and Ricky Davis before him. That's a gosh darn shame.

Conclusion: It's only right that Dom Uhl restarts this beautiful, hair-naissance.

Let me plead the case for you one last time. It's quite simple. Just look back in basketball history, Dom... men with cornrows have done nothing but succeed.

Darius Miles had an acting career. Brad Miller played NBA basketball for 14 years. Amar'e Stoudemire got paid... A LOT. Rip Hamilton has rings. I already talked about Allen Iverson, but he's a Hall of Famer. Ben Wallace had a shoe line at Steve & Barry's (also got paid). Carmelo Anthony married LaLa (and also got paid). Jermaine O'Neal was one of the best NBA Street video game players of all time (18 year career).

Need I go on?

Conclusion to the conclusion: This is the best hairstyle for Dom Uhl, the University of Iowa program, Fran McCaffery and the future of Big Ten basketball.

Do it, Dom. You can thank me later.

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