Before we start, let me apologize for missing a couple of weeks. I’m sure exactly none of you missed me.
Let’s talk about the state of the greatest conference in the land, the Big Ten. We lost the Big Ten/ACC Challenge, we tied the Gavitt Games, and Indiana is the only team who has beaten any top teams. Let’s face it, the Big Ten is a bit down this year. It appears we only have three teams that will compete nationally, and one of them lost to IPFW. What are we to do as Big Ten fans? How do we get over the fact that we might not be the best basketball conference this year?
Have no fear, I am here to console you and tell you why we are still the best, even when our teams are lacking. I have compiled a short list of reasons why the Big Ten is still better than every other major basketball conference, and also why we’re better than The American.
Why the Big Ten is better than the ACC:
- We here at the Big Ten haven’t had any recent scandals involving strippers or fake classes.
- No school has ever left our conference to join another Power 5 conference.
- The Big Ten has more on-campus basketball arenas with seating capacities of 15,000 or more than any other conference in the country.
- We now have better average academics than the ACC. According to some, the Big Ten compromised it’s academics just slightly when it added Nebraska. Well, Louisville makes Nebraska look like Oxford. UL is one of the worst academic schools in the Power 5, rated much lower than every other ACC and Big Ten team.
- Rutgers>Boston College
Why the Big Ten is better than the Big 12:
- The Big Ten is academically superior than the Big 12, although you wouldn’t know it, as neither of us can count.
- We have more teams, all of whom have never been a member of the WAC or C-USA.
- No one would ever refer to our conference as “Texas and some friends”.
- We’re never going to have to settle for adding teams like Memphis or UCF to round out our numbers.
Why the Big Ten is better than the Big East:
- We play FBS football.
- The Big Ten was created 120 years ago, not 3 years ago.
- There may be Big Ten schools outside of the Midwest, but at least we didn’t call our conference the Big Midwest. Butler and Marquette are pretty far from the East.
Why the Big Ten is better than the Pac-12:
- Their most famous coach was a Purdue Alumnus.
- We don’t scream “East coast bias” every time one of our teams gets a bad ranking.
- I’m pretty sure Bill Walton is stoned every time he calls a game. That’s not really a knock against the Pac-12, it just amuses me.
- We have D1 hockey.
- Neil Armstrong graduated from Purdue first, no one cares what grad school he graduated from after he walked on the moon.
- Rutgers>Oregon State
Why the Big Ten is better than the SEC:
- They’ve only ever have three good teams at a time, and Kentucky is always the best.
- Even Ben Simmons couldn’t get LSU into the tournament.
- John Calipari is overrated, and so is Ashley Judd.
- No one even shows up to most SEC basketball games.
- None of our fans bring confederate flags into the stands.
- Rutgers>Missouri, Mississippi State, Ole Miss, and LSU
Why the Big Ten is better than The American:
- lol, cause we’re a real conference