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Purdue Boilermakers New Year's Resolutions

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The Boilers have had a pretty good season so far, but what are their plans for 2016?

"I'm not sure losing weight is a good resolution for you Kendall" - Matt Painter
"I'm not sure losing weight is a good resolution for you Kendall" - Matt Painter
Sandra Dukes-USA TODAY Sports

As 2016 begins many people around the world will be making resolutions, and it should be no surprise that student-athletes are among those planning ways to improve themselves. In order to provide our readers with the most in-depth coverage of Purdue Boilermakers basketball as possible, I bribed the security guard at Mackey with a Harry's Chocolate Shop t-shirt and an IOU for $35. I was able hide out in the locker room and obtain this list of resolutions from the team before falling through the ceiling tiles in Matt Painter's office and sprinting out of there.

A.J. Hammons: Earn a triple-double, with 10 blocks (we play Rutgers on the 18th).

Rapheal Davis: Keep shutting down opponents' best players and steal a second DPOY award from under A.J.'s nose.

Johnny Hill: Dunk on Collin Hartman in the IU game and then legally change my name to Jon Octeus II.

Kendall Stephens: Get my 3-point percentage back up, maybe buy a Jobu figurine like Pedro Serrano.

Basil Smotherman: Talk with the compliance department and see if creating and selling a line of seasonings called "Smotherman's Basil Creations" is a violation.

Dakota Mathias: Find someone to come up with a better nickname than "The Midwestern Cowboy"

Isaac Haas: Be more assertive. Not just on the court, but in life. Ask the delivery guy for change back when I don't have anything smaller than $20 bills.

P.J. Thompson: Keep working hard, and ask Rapheal for more tips on leadership. Oh, and buy a stepladder so I can finally reach the Oreos on top of the cabinets at A.J.'s place.

Vince Edwards: Become even more versatile: conduct the pep band during timeouts, perform a halftime routine, perform post-game interviews...

Jacquil Taylor: Have a breakout year next season, just so Hammer and Rails can keep selling "skyline" t-shirts.

Caleb Swanigan: Lead the Big Ten in rebounding, cut down on turnovers, win Big Ten FOY, help lead this team to a Final Four, and then come back ready to do it again next year.

Ryan Cline: Lead the team in 3-point percentage and figure out why I'm the only freshman who has to swipe the seniors in at the dining court.

Stephen Toyra, Jon McKeeman, Grady Eifert, and Grant Weatherford: Get coach's permission to start working on Monmouth-esque bench celebrations.